Bah Hum Bug...

I do feel a bit like a Scrooge this holiday season.  Traditionally my children and I have always put up our Christmas tree on Thanksgiving night and our Advent devotional would be ear marked for tonight’s reading.  But as I look around the house, the tree is up and just like the mantel it remains undecorated.  The wreath is yet to be hung on the front door and the nativity is still in its box. 

So why am I so unenthused for a holiday that I love so deeply?  I have been pondering this very question for several weeks. 

The only answer I can come up with is that I dislike change.  I prefer and thrive amongst tradition. Maybe it was the constant upheaval of my youth.  Maybe it is that I’m just a bit odd.  Heck, I do not know, but I do not like change. 

But somehow, change seems to have adopted me in the past five years or so and I think I am reacting to it like a rebellious teenager. 

Some of the changes in my life have been positive, such as marriage.  I waited ten years to gain the courage to remarry again.  However, that change as positive as it has been also brought with it lots of extras.   Extra kids.  Extra laundry.  Extra ex’s.  Extra furniture.  Extra clutter.

Then there is the growing up of children who now have their own lives and responsibilities.  Tyler works Christmas Eve; Daneyl is off exploring the world and will be in Utah for Christmas.  This will be the first time in their lives that I will not have them home for the holidays.   Then there was the job change.  Even that was positive, until the new job took over our lives.  So I quit that job.  Change again.  Now I am without a job and a church home.  I am homeless at Christmas time.  The church was one of the many things that helped get me through the changes of my life. The church was that place I could go to when I needed to feel safe.  Even on the Christmas Eve’s that the children spent with their dad, I still attended the candle light service with my church family.  But now I am feeling homeless, churchless.    

But isn’t change when one grows?  Isn’t change when one turns to God for strength?  Haven’t I always told my children that the church is a building; it’s the people that make it a family?  So why then am I feeling sorry for myself? 

Today, I will ask John to pull out the nativity and remind myself that change is one tool God uses to nudge growth and closeness to Him.  Today, I will consider embracing the changes of my live and instead of be rebellious I will embrace the chance to grow.  I will stop looking at the top of the mountain, but experience the valley that I may have to walk through to get to the top.